so Friday night I decided to take my dads advice and let them have both kids and me take a 2 hours to go out to the club sine I was feeling alot more mobile now lol I didn't leave Aidan till he was 14 months so it was kinda hard leaving Keagan so early but I knew with all that has been going on with Will I just needed to take a break and go out alone for 2 hours just to think and clear my head of some things..
unfortunatly Keagan didn't do to well with it which tore me up but unfortunatly with me going to work he will have to get used to it some too..
yup, I'm going back to work.. you read that right. I have decided that since things are just in my opinion getting worse and worse with Will because we never talk, when we did all he did was tear me down... well Sunday night I had a death in my family. My uncle was crushed in a machine at work.. because of how it happened it's being a big thing with the news and reporters and all over the paper.. and it's had a really hard effect on me and my family.. he had a step daughter who was 21 who's mother (his ex wife) died when she was 14 on the same day he just died! So Will being the one I always run to over things like this.. even before we were married I try to call him for support and does he answer? No.. does he call back when I told him there was a death in the family? No.. when he finally does call he used the exscuse that he's sorry he hasn't called that his phone was dead and he couldn't find the charger.. I've heard that fucking exscuse 5- 7 FUCKING TIMES THIS MONTH! so either he's just that stupid and looses it or he's lying to me.. I think he's lying.. along with some other things that he's lying about..
so I guess I started thinking.. between the things I've stuck by his side for.. when I probably should've left.. when I thought he cheated on me for one.. through all the cut downs.. him coming home and sleeping on the couch and seeing me have his baby and it not changing a damn thing or him being supportive in the least way.. I've just decided that I'm tired of sitting here and he can fuck off .. I'm tired of him thinking I will just sit around and take what ever shit he hands out because I'm not.. I love him more than ever.. but I love the husband I had.. the relationship we had.. and it's going to take A LOT to get that back.. maybe us splitting up and getting back together a few years from now.. I dunno..
I hate to take time away from my kids to work because everyone knows how I am about that.. and I hate to have them away from their father but he's been gone so much right now it won't be any different to them..
so I've started putting in job applications and I'm looking to waitress during the day because I made really good money doing that and I think I can make enough to pay my bills while doing the lunch shift when my mom is able to watch the kids for free.. and me not have to take them out of cloth diapers and have that expense either.. and if I got some other job by the time I paid for the daycare, diapers and so on .. I would benifit more from waitressing I think and I'd have to do less hours and get to spend a lot of time with my kids still and not have to just leave them all day long during a hard time on them also.. or miss my baby growing up.. so I'm trying to do lunch shifts and weekends.. so wish me luck!
Will how ever still doesn't know he's going to fuck off since he hasn't called me back STILL but what ever..
** edited to say ** I just talked to Will .. he basically didn't give a damn that I had decided not to wait any longer.. some how that doesn't suprise me at all.. | 
